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Dating: Long Distance

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PLEASE READ! Long distance relationships are not what they are portrayed to be. They are not as hard, emotionally draining, or as impossible as people assume. Right now, I am living 3 hours away from my boyfriend (who plays a varsity sport). We see each other once or twice a month. We are both happy, both with room to live our own lives but always being able to catch up at the end of the night. We still love each other, nobody has been unfaithful, and it is relatively easy. The time we spend together is always quality time, and I do not regret staying with him.If you love someone and think you they could be the person for you, go for it. The worst that could happen is that it doesn't work out and you part ways. It is entirely possible, do not give up just because of what you THINK might happen.

Pros of a long distance relationship...
1. The time you spend together is really exciting and precious
2. You have the freedom to be yourself and make friends on your own terms
3. You always have lots to talk about with your S/O because you're apart during the day
4. It tests whether the relationship is really worth it
5. Meeting their new friends means more friends for you!
6. Sex/physical intimacy is so much better when you've been waiting for it
7. It will show you how much your partner really values you
8. You don't need to pick between your friends and partner during the week
9. It helps keep you focused

I hope that this helped anyone that needed to hear it.
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4 replies
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You do realize that he's prolly banging sorority hoes left and right while you're not FaceTiming him, right? But if the Cinderella narrative helps you sleep at night, go for it. :)
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I have 100% trust and confidence in him, we have been dating for years and I'm sure your comment could not be further from reality. I am so sorry that you have had such a bad experience with dating that you automatically jump to a conclusion like that, that is so sad for you. I hope one day you can find someone who is capable of loving you, maybe then you will understand the concept of mutual trust. Thank you for your input though! :)
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous
You can trust your boyfriend but, bottom-line is that you are not omniscient maybe he has feelings for you, but he might be banging broads on the low, or masturbating like a jack rabbit. You might believe that he seems like a loyal guy, trust me guys know how to be romantic with a women(You see it in the movies all the time). Sure you might not know it all in a physical relationship but, trust me time has a funny way of revealing things (physically).
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A photo of Anonymous Anonymous
Why are you posting this here? This forum is dead nowadays, and they've been having server issues for a few weeks now. You should be posting comments like this in dating forums on reddit. This is primarily a forum for students asking about post-secondary programs and most high schoolers that frequent here are not in relationships. 

Devil's Advocate

I personally disagree with some of your post. I've been in a long term relationship. I'm currently in law school, so not an immature child either who can't handle long-distance relationships. They don't work for most people for several reasons - the primary one being that you're not growing with that other person. You seeing your partner one or twice a month is not growing with them. Sure, you have confidence and trust in them, but that's different from being there for somebody, understanding their everyday pains and struggles, and helping them to overcome these struggles, as well as you both growing together. Your life is not intertwined with theirs when there is little personal communication (social media and phone messages don't count) and you've spent most of the month with friends and peers, and only see your partner on occasion. It's not sustainable, so hopefully it won't go on for too long with both of you. 

Your age becomes apparent to me when you keep mentioning friends. His friends should not be your friends, generally speaking. These two worlds are meant to be kept separate. My buddies are people I can turn to, and not people my girl can turn to if there is an issue in our relationship or she needs advice. If you're both living your own lives as you say you are, then it means keeping these lives separate - especially friend circles. A lot of breakups happen because of friends.  

You can still make friends, live individual lives, and have a partner that you see everyday. This is called a healthy relationship. It sounds like you have a healthy relationship, which is good, but don't get blindsided into thinking that this long-term thing can go on for long. I know people who were probably in better long-term relationships than you, people who've been with their partners for years. My buddy came to law school and is 30 years old. He was with his girlfriend since elementary school, and they were friends since kindergarten. They couldn't make the long distance work for more than a few months, and although they still have a lot of love and respect for each other, they both understood that they needed to be free to live out their own lives. It goes back to what I was mentioning before - growing together. I have another friend who got engaged to his partner before she went to medical school in the States. They skyped for hours everyday and made the long distance relationship work for around 8 months before calling it quits.  

The honest truth is that your boyfriend may be the best guy in the world, but he only sees you now for once or twice a month, while he lives out his everyday life with other people that don't include you. He may very well move on to form other relationships and closer bonds with new people. It's human nature and not done consciously to hurt you. He is alone and can't feel your breath on his face and hold you in his arms, so it is natural that there may come a time when he or you seek solace and comfort in other human beings that are physically there with you. Communication over technology and social media is not a sustainable way to have a healthy human relationship for a lengthy period of time.  

If you need to be away from your partner to:  

a) have the freedom to be yourself and make friends on your own terms;  
b) think of things to talk about with your partner;  
c) test the worthiness of your relationship;  
d) make new friends off theirs;  
e) have good sexual experiences;  
f) prove that they value you;  
g) decide how you want to manage your time and who you want to spend it with, whether it's by yourself or with colleagues, friends, partner, etc. and;  
h) stay focused,  

then I really question your thought process with regards to this topic. You should be able to do all this 100% even if your boyfriend was living with you right now. You've described everything that pertains to a healthy relationship, and believe me, you can have all these things without your partner living hours away from you and only seeing each other once or twice a month. Take an outsider's perspective and look at your current relationship. What if your boyfriend meets another woman in university, who is just as/or more talented, beautiful, caring, intelligent, etc. as you, but with the added bonus that this person is physically there with him in his everyday life; you don't think he would even consider for a second what it would be like to form a new relationship or question the state of his current one? 

You can have all the trust, hope and confidence in the world, but there is something as human nature and real life that you have to deal with. Human beings need personal connections, be with people they can see, touch, and hold, someone they can experience new things with - not someone they talk to over technological devices and see once or twice a month. We're not living in the 50s and 60s anymore, where you found one person and married them after a few months of courtship. Most people in today's society love different people throughout their lives, and this is accepted and perfectly fine, so long as you are loyal when you are with that one person. This does not mean that you cannot fall in love and feel affection towards others as well, though. These feelings only exasperate when there is a huge distance between you and your partner. 

Lastly, yes, you can absolutely have a successful long-distance relationship, but it's not sustainable for lengthy periods of time. I hope you know that.  

To add some context to your post, I really question how long you've been in a long-distance relationship for? You may have been dating for years, but I really doubt you've been in a long-distance relationship for most of this time, and if you have, then I really question if your confidence and trust is not misguided here.
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